How often do we see sportspeople drumming out the clichés hiding their true thoughts? Not wanting to offer a rival an advantage fearful if they say something the opposition can use that to play the “nobody believes in me / us card.”

On Sunday before the final round of The Players at TPC Sawgrass, Sergio Garcia made comment about the pairings for the day. Garcia played with Woods on Saturday but not on Sunday.

When questioned about not playing with Woods, Garcia replied “It’s ok we don’t really get along”….

Good from you Sergio for saying what you think… the fact on 17 you went down like a “choking dog” (Thanks Mr. Tony) by dinking two into the water is irrelevant.

AFL Sports Betting

Carlton v Port Adelaide – Docklands, Sunday 19^th of May at 1.10pm

Go figure. Carlton are travelling about as well as a middle aged women on the 59 tram without a myki ticket when the tram cops get on.

In one of the vagaries of sport the 11^th placed Carlton (3 wins / 4 losses) is rated $1.36 while 4^th placed Port Adelaide (5 wins / 2 losses) is $3.15. The line is $1.95, Port Adelaide getting 17.5 points start.

The bubble burst for both these sides with Port Adelaide suffering their first defeat under the guidance of Ken Hinkley against the Tigers. The week prior Port Adelaide went down to the Kangaroos when Hinkley stood aside due to illness.

Carlton was awful for most of their match against St. Kilda on Monday night, they rallied late but it would have an embarrassment had they stolen the points, Carlton is far from fielding its first XVIII with Betts and Yarran missing making the inclusion of Waite a big in.

Port Adelaide at the line $1.95 17.5 points start and put aside a little something for $3.15 straight out.

Flemington Races

Thubiaan (7) – Chris Waller … Craig Newitt … $5.50

A full field has accepted in the “other,” two-mile race at Flemington, the listed Andrew Ramsden Stakes, although we can narrow this right down.

The Chris Waller trained Thubiaan is peaking at the right time for this week’s feature race … Form for his past four runs reads…

2^nd 3000m MV … 2^nd 2500m MV …2^nd 2600m MV …1^st 2800m Flemington

He is well weighted with 55kgs and ‘Froggy’ Newitt would have first call of the rides at the meeting has elected to stay with Thubiaan.

Should get a lovely run in transit from barrier seven and as a horse likely to be up on the pace he will keep most of the bad horses behind him.

Thubiaan is rated a $5.50 chance and at each way odds will give us a big sight for a long way….

Sneaky each way hope to a horse called Brungle Cry #13 from the Robert Smerdon stable… if there was a deluge later today and the track got into the slow range then this horse comes into calculations … He won the Galleywood at Warrnambool and he stays longer then your mother in law.

Brisbane Races

Foreteller (3) – Chris Waller … Jim Cassidy … $4.00

The 2000m group one BTC Cup can be narrowed down with Foreteller the one I’m leaning to.

Foreteller saluted in the group one, 2000m Ranvet Stakes in March. He was 5^th in the 2400m BMW then he had a month between runs coming to the Gold Coast to finish runner up behind Lights Of Heaven in the 1800m group two Hollindale Cup.

He was caught three deep with no cover in the Hollindale and he will certainly strip fitter for the effort.

Speed map suggests he will be three or four back the rail with Cassidy to rely on a bit of force to push out on the corner to give Foreteller his chance. Lights Of Heaven is the obvious danger ahead of Manighar.

The two current racing carnivals fit the same category. Brisbane has stuck fat to its dates since hats on men were fashionable and Joe Bjelke-Petersen ruled with a pumpkin flavoured iron scone.

Brisbane has built a carnival on a true measurable, great horses…Rough Habit, Ethereal, Thorn Park, Falvelon, Apache Cat, Viewed, Takeover Target, well the last horse … he won wherever Joe Janiak pointed the old horses halter.

Adelaide is the seconder stringer… Cup winners? It’s back to 1992 for Subzero … 2013 Norsqui … he’ll stay longer than your mother in law but he’s no star… Mummify busted a field in a Caulfield Cup then smashed ours when he later broke down…

Adelaide needs to get its carnival in order… take Black Caviar and Takeover Target out of the list of Goodwood winners and it’s a plain…. plainer than the flour Flo used to make pumpkin scones.

Morphettville Races

The group one Goodwood Handicap is the the cousin you don’t like who you have to sit next to on the kid’s table at Christmas. …However all can be forgiven if we extract the winner

Race 7 – Facile Tigre (7) – Jason McLachlan … Jockey – Brad Rawiller $6.00 … each way

Moment Of Change will be keen to throw off the group one bridesmaid nightie. Shamexpress and the handicapper got him in the Newmarket while Black Caviar broke a track record that stood for the best part of 30 years in the Lightning when he finished 2.5 lengths behind the mare.

His trip to Sydney for the Canterbury Stakes was like so many who heard north from Melbourne… disappointing.

The $2.00 on offer for Moment Of Change doesn’t represent much value, making Facile Tigre a bet to nothing at the $8.00 on offer. He’s been set for this race all along with McLachlan choosing to keep the rising 7yo fresh.

Facile Tigre hasn’t run since his he finished second behind Mrs. Onassis in the Oakleigh Plate back in late February.

McLachlan had the option of running in the BTC Cup in Queensland but then he would have to tackle a field containing members of the millionaires stakes club, Buffering, Sea Siren, Spirit Of Boom, Temple Of Boom and Rain Affair. Translation a nice sixth… Queensland Racing doesn’t pay down to sixth.

Brad Rawiller is booked to ride Facile Tigre at 54.5kgs meaning one of two things…his leg has dropped off … or he’s wasting to win a Goodwood Handicap.

Sports Betting

Hawthorn v Sydney – MCG, Saturday 11^th of May, 7.40pm.

Besides being a potentially cracking fixture between last year’s grand finalists this match provides the chance to play commentary bingo.

Jot down the following phrases

Hawthorn is out to avenge the 2012 grand final …

The Swans have a terrible record at the MCG…

Buddy just loves the big stage…

Jarrad McVeigh has grown to be a quality mid-fielder…

Hawthorn must be ruing the day they traded Josh Kennedy…

Watch Jetta take them on

Mitchell is a hard nut

What about the bloods culture?

Anytime one is mentioned take a sip of your drink…if you’re out watching the game leave the car at home…

Hawthorn will beat Sydney tonight and it won’t be close, the $1.90 on offer early in the week is gone now that Mumford is out.

$5.00 for Hawthorn over 39.5 points might not be the worst especially as… Hawthorn is out to avenge the 2012 grand final

… bingo…

scull.

A full band supported him, including Yoko on what appeared to be an edition of Top Of The Pops.

This is a powerful display, Lennon angry at the microphone, yelling not singing as he bashes ivory, the drummer, stipulating synchronised support to Lennon’s spitting vocals. Yoko nestled mid-stage blindfolded, variously knitting, grasping for the microphone, miming.

I found the song later on YouTube and what struck me was the vitriol posted against Yoko.

You can’t have Lennon without a slice of Yoko served on the side.

Jumps racing had its grand final, super bowl and world series this week at Warrnambool. The three-day festival, one of the best on record comes on the back of three exceptional months of racing, think Black Caviar, Miracles Of Life, Pierro, All To Hard, Super Cool, Fiveandahalfstar. Add to this list Viking Tiger (maiden hurdle), Love Or Gold (maiden hurdle) Maythehorsebemagic (0 – 120 hurdle), Cats Fun (Brierly Steeple), Brungle Cry (Galleywood Hurdle) Banna Strand (Grand Annual).

You can’t have racing without a slice of jumping on the side.

Flemington Races

Going to wait for the final race a 2000m, 3yo handicap where a black booker from two weeks back has a chance for redemption.

Race 8 – Prince Of Penzance (3) – Darren Weir … Jockey – Michelle Payne  $4.20

I saw a horse two weeks back at Caulfield that was desperately unlucky not to get the prize when a narrow second behind Hunger.  It was a great run by Prince Of Penznace against the pattern of racing on a day, which favoured front-runners with the rail out 7m. Michelle Payne was like Yoko Ono but still nearly got the job done as Prince Of Penzance just missed on the line. They should run along, which will suit Prince Of Penzance; somewhere up the straight he will look the winner.

Hawkesbury Races

3yo’s late in the season have a good record and this bloke might be one to follow during the offseason.

Race 8 – Imperil (5) – Peter Snowden … Jockey – Kerrin McEvoy $9.00

I tend to grade 3yos more favourably later in the season and this youngster from the Peter Snowden yard fits the bill perfectly. Under the weight scale Imperil carries 53.5kgs a big advantage as it just tilts the playing field a little toward the younger horses.

There is plenty of speed in the race with former Victorian galloper Balavan likely to be joined by Agister upfront so the tempo will be genuine. I can see Imperil getting a lovely run camped about three back in the running line with cover. McEvoy will be looking to ease out at the top of the straight to present Imperil with his opportunity.

This son of Commands has won 3 of 9 races and had a nice little tune up over 1000m recently at Hawkesbury where Kerrin McEvoy took the job of steering. Imperil is a horse to follow for the winter as he already has a win on soft ground, represents excellent each way value at $9.00

Gold Coast Races

Best “roughie” for the weekend comes in the Ken Russell Memorial.

Race 3 – Skytastic (10) – Gillian Heinrich … Jockey – Brad Stewart

This filly is making the big jump from maiden grade but looks to have a little bit of the x factor about her so at odds of 20/1 have something small each way

Sports Betting

Gold Coast versus Fremantle – Metricon Stadium Saturday 4^rd May 7.40pm start

We had to really earn the money in the footy tipping last week with Port Adelaide 41 points down at half time. Ken Hinkley got the boys drinking the “coolade” and the lads charged home to get the victory.

Going to back Gold Coast on their home track, they are capable of causing an upset and with a 15.5 point start the $1.90 looks very attractive put something aside for the $3.00 head to head.

I didn’t say it was good joke but I always found it amusing that a non-drinking non-smoking non- punting, staunch catholic church going women would have that as her go to gag.

Godolphin trainer Mahmood al Zarooni probably doesn’t get the joke either but he may be looking for the vanishing cream after admitting during the week he gave 15 of the horses in his care at Newmarket anabolic steroids.

Unlike Australia where anabolic steroids can be administered (out of competition) usually to male horses after being gelded to assist recovery (post the procedure) or backward fillies to aid development and growth. In the UK the use of steroids is completely banned making this a shocking case or as Zarooni claimed in his press release a “catastrophic mistake”.

The British Racing Authority handed Zarooni an eight-year penalty the swiftness of its delivery (seven days) matching the severity. I bet Zarooni wishes there was vanishing cream rather than stanazol in those vials now.

Caulfield Races

Race seven is the 1000m 0 – 89 handicap, a wide open affair but I think we can narrow this right down to a couple of horses.

Halle Rocks (13) – Mick Price … Jockey – Dale Smith $4.80

Halle Rocks a 4yo mare with an outstanding record of 4 wins from 8 starts including 3 out of 3 first up, which she is today. This mare won an 800m-barrier trial at Caulfield two weeks ago and was very impressive running quick time under a nice hold. Mick Price likes to have his horse’s forward fit and ready for racing first up.

Halle Rocks did fail at her past two runs before a break but they were in either listed or open mares grade against much tougher fields than what she will line up against today.

Day Procedure (10)  - Robert Smerdon … Jackie Berriman $5.50

Day Procedure is well placed by the astute Robert Smerdon especially after the claim for Jackie Berriman. Day Procedure will carry 3kgs under the limit weighing in with just 51kgs. Berriman has ridden Day Procedure in all six runs this prep including wins over 1110m at Caulfield and 955m at Moonee Valley.

Day Procedure will push forward from the gate to sit up on the speed and utilise his lightweight. Berriman will probably get going early to take advantage of his weight pull and the rail being out 10m, which will make it difficult for the swoopers. Trainer Robert Smerdon had the option of running Day Procedure against his own age but opted to tackle this race working on the theory that 3yos can take on the older horses with success later in the season.

AFL TIP

Port Adelaide versus the West Coast Eagles – AAMI Stadium, Saturday April 27, 7.15pm.

Going to back Port Adelaide at the $2.00 despite the West Coast beating Port Adelaide the last three times they have played.

The 2013 Port Adelaide side are a different beast under the guidance of Ken Hinkley with blokes like Justin Westoff really making his presence felt up forward along with Jay Schulz who kicked four, second half goals last week.

Kane Cornes celebrates his 250^th game with the club tonight, the added incentive of winning for his milestone enough to get the Port boys home in a close game.

Adam Scott and Angel Cabrera played outstanding golf over 74 holes at Augusta last weekend. Hopefully the bright-eyed youth watching on television took note on how the game was played.

The Punt 

The sports are at Caulfield this week where in between the farewell to Black Caviar there will be eight races.

Throw a gold coin in the tin for the National Jockeys Trust as you walk in then keep your cash in your kick until race five.

Elite Elle will look like the kid in under 13/s who shaves with the deep voice against this lot. She is a class, already a stakes winner. A last start winner by three lengths against a similar bunch of fillies she only rises a half kilo from that win after the claim. Thomas Sadler did such a good job last start that trainer Tony Vasil has booked him again to utilse his three kilo claim.

Elite Elle has drawn barrier two which is a plus for an on pacer with the rail out seven metres the entire circuit. She will jump on the bunny and the only way she gets beat is pilot error.

Following on is the feature race on the card the listed 1400m Victoria Handicap where Peter Moody has Club Command entered. Moody rarely goes without a winner at any meeting he saddles up and he is lethal on his home track.

Club Command is two for two at the track and trip and with a nice weight pull against the older horses he should salute.

Australian Rules Football Fremantle $1.85 +35.5 points 

We opened up the season by taking Hawthorn at the points against Collingwood where the $1.90 landed in our lap.

This week Hawthorn has to give Fremantle a six-goal start. The Fremantle lads will be hurting after the home fadeout loss to Essendon.

Ross Lyons teams are built on man-on-man and pressure football. The Dockers have a miserly defense conceding 77 points per game, second in the competition and rank first in tackles averaging 75 per game. They will need to keep both these numbers up to have any chance against a Hawks team but with a six goal start take the points on the Dockers to cover the spread.

Elite Elle returns to scale after her Moonee Valley win

The Moe based Peter Gelegotis trained Hvasstan is currently a $26.00 win $3.48 place chance on TAB Fixed, the price sounds like something from a Hobart dog race with an odds on favourite.

Hvasstan has two wins at 2000m both at Group Two level, the Norman Robinson in the spring and the Alistair Clarke Stakes a month back.

But his run in the VRC Derby is the pointer to his chances. He was fourth in the Derby won by Fiveandahalfstar who last Saturday beat the older horses in the group one 2400m BMW. Fiveandahalfstar might just be that and the locally produced staying sensation everyone is looking for. Super Cool who finished 1.5 lengths second in the Victoria Derby stamped his autumn by winning the 2000m Group One Australia Cup defeating a field containing Melbourne Cup winner Green Moon.

In the Victorian Derby Hvasstan finished two lengths and three positions ahead of It’s A Dundeel. Gelegotis has focused Hvasstans whole prep around the Derby and he will have his charge peaking for the biggest race of his life.

Elite Elle is a black booker / horse to follow . The 3yo filly got back to winning form at Moonee Valley last Saturday easily winning over 1200m hard held. She is likely to run in Sydney on Wednesday in the PJ Bell Stakes a 1200m Listed race for 3yo fillies. Elite Elle  grows a leg on wet tracks and anyone who has watched the races in Sydney knows wet tracks have been prevalent of late. This filly is definitely stakes class and will pick up a nice race somewhere along the way.

The deal was completed in a Bay St café. I was against selling the house but the trouble and strife played the trump card.

“If we sell the house” she began, “that means no more repairs, no patch jobs or working bees” …pausing… “You could play golf whenever you want.”

Choosing between weekend repairs on a Victorian double fronted house, on a busy road with no parking or moving into a new apartment with one neighbor and a car space was easy…You could play golf whenever you want was the kicker. A win to savior… like when you have $200 on something at the death, only to realise half way through you’ve backed the wrong horse but it salutes in a three-way photo beating the one you wanted to back, paying $6 and you win a gorilla.

Safely nestled in our new abode for two months. This past weekend the stars aligned. No domestic chores, no commitments to work, family or social interactions to prevent 36 holes of golf.

Saturday Black Tees Medal…

On the beach with the family (wife and two working kelpies) wind is up, whitecaps catch the eye. I like the wind I like golf and wind. It’s a true test so off at the back tees, 6508m it’s going to be tough.

A warm day, I opt for pants feeling as its medal day I should at least dress as a golfer.

Medal day at any golf club, expectations higher than a Sherpa on a Ferris wheel…11.56am tee off but I’m late, enough time for a 15 minute warm including five minutes of putting….

I meet my three playing partners…handicaps 20…28…and yes…32…. of course its stroke, I immediately feign having wisdom teeth pain but how bad can it be…?

The 32 handicapper, I learn is a massive prick. Despite my efforts to get him to hurry we quickly fall 2 holes behind the group in front.  My golf is not money… but I’m hanging in there early with a mix of pars and bogeys not bad considering the zephyr that’s simmering at 40kph across the course…

We reach the turn in 2.5 hours!! It takes me nearly that long to add up the 32 handicappers score…..61…I have 44.

Despite 61 on the front nine he ‘plumb bobs’ every put regardless of length…the comic highpoint comes on the 14th where he ‘plumb bobs’ a putt that normal humans would walk up and tap in without taking a proper stance (6 inches max) and misses. All this while the pro has come out of to inform me as the low marker ‘you are on the clock’. I agree to try and herd the troops along to keep the game flowing…. Skill deteriorates, the one highlight a birdie on 17…six iron.. 10 feet make the putt. I close at a respectable 90 net 83…played well but couldn’t keep it together.

My three playing partners shoot Indian batsman like scores against visiting teams with poor spin bowling… 117…. 116 and 101…After the round my marker off 32 questions me on two of the scores I have… including the birdie on 17 claiming I have made 3 not 2…I refrain, but am quite pleased when he says he has to go because the grand kids are coming over…I secretly hope they don’t like him….’Mum do we have to go see grandpa he smells like he pissed himself’…

I head to the bar and find the blokes playing behind us and apologise and offer to buy them drinks.  They are all smiles because the old timewaster plays in my group…I leave the course tired, happy that I have made peace with my golfing comrades for the slow round.

Sunday 2nd Round Match Play Plate Blue Tees…

Melbourne in full autumnal bloom, sunny, breathless… a day for playing…6184m off the blue tees…

I have a bye in the first round. Second round opponent a 10 handicapper, looks and plays like Geoff Ogilvy… I give him holes 12 and 8…today I play off eight… my handicap when the event commenced.

7.47am tee off…. early for golf…only time for a dingoes breakfast…a drink and a look around.

We hit off the 10th, my opponent (lets call him Tony because that’s his name) Tony smashes a high draw 250m down the fairway…Tony is up and about… pre match sightings of him on the range and putting green confirm this. I step up and hit one past his. His second finishes 30ft right of the flag where he has to come over a swale (pin front left) I hit mine 12 feet under the hole straight uphill…

Tony drains the putt; I’m holding the flag, as soon as he hits it I think (without saying it!!!) “That’s In”. Matchplay. I make mine to halve with birdies.

I win 11, (halve 12 with par) 13 & 15… 3 up; lose 18 when Tony hits shot of the day from 170m… first cut of rough, ten feet onto the island green…Still I’m 2 up after shooting 37 … Tony is two under his handicap at the turn yet 2 down…We go to the 1st, I win with bogey, birdie 2… 4 up…Lose the next 2 holes with bogeys missing putts to halve. I win five with par; he wins six with par… 2 up three to play.

The 7^th 347m par four…(our 16^th)… His honour… Pull driver not intending to hit it…Tony sools a 3 iron leaving 140m in. I hit driver… press the advantage smoking one, yielding a great look at the flag on the lower tier. Tony yanks his second into the left pot…Wedge past the hole settles at 10ft…brush it in for 3/2.

For comedy we play in, bogey… birdie the last for good measure stiffing a nine iron to a foot… home in 38…for 75… allowing for the one hole where Tony conceded a putt of 6ft the worst I could have gone was 76. Tony went 82 played to his handicap…never had a chance…

Santa may look after the kids who’ve been naughty or nice, the golf gods look after the players who hook, slice and putt thrice. Respect their values and you will be rewarded…Consider me a convert.

I have an aversion to Canadian rock bands with a penchant for power ballads and the combining of the following ingredients into a chilled savoury mousse.

I digress.

For the years I lived at home seeing Dad – baptised Rex more commonly referred too as Slim due to his not so svelte shape – walking in his undergarments was not unusual. Ashen coloured singlet, matching underpants – mostly consisting of elastic – if we were lucky he had both; more often the combination was limited to a single random unit. He was fond of a streak, lumbering down the hallway looking for a towel. A sight we were used to but for random visitors like the two neighbor teenage girls who’d one night sought shelter at our house while their parents sorted domestic issues, the shock surely resulted in years of distress.

Tradition in our house dictated 7.30pm mass Christmas Eve. Seats at the front were at a premium so the plan was to be mobile by 6.45pm for the short drive. Jack Cass would lead the convey in his cobalt coloured Datsun 120. Pop Cass whistled through his teeth as he drove. He whistled almost all of the time when he wasn’t’ occupied with important business like drinking seven ounce glasses at the bowls club or driving Mary Cass to church. Grandma rode shotgun.

The family followed in the HJ Kingswood station wagon, the perfect vehicle for mum to cart six boys around. Maxis in the Sydney – Hobart had better turning circles than the Kingwood, power steering yet to make it to the list of standard options in the late seventies. Mum had forearms like a sailor from tacking the Kingswood round corners.

One year traipsing to the church there was a car parked right out the out the front with personlised number plates. JC were stamped on them. “He even knows how to get a good park at mass” remarked my father.

The 7.30pm epic was always packed; Paul Dainty should have sold tickets. There was a catholic hipness to this celebration with a house band that wailed out hymns, rocking the classics with a horn section that included a County Court judge. Mass was a tough slog, due to its popularity every spare square of the church was taken up. The pews aligned with an uneven dispatch of regulars and once a year folk. Pillars of the community occupied the front rows.

Parish Priest, Father John held sway, this was his Grand Final, a full house complete with pre game entertainment although instead of Paul Kelly there was Judge Walsh with his swooning saxophone. Father John was square shouldered and looked a little like an aging John Wayne. He had a Labrador and supported Collingwood, unusual as everyone almost exclusively had golden retrievers and barracked for the local team Essendon.

My favourite recollections of Christmas Eve were the times I was an alter boy, taking up the privileged position either side of the alter looking back at the sea of people. Grandma in the front row mouthing prayers, Jack next to her, with his slicked grey hair silently whistling.

After the trauma of mass we would return home where Slim would commence his tradition of making duck liver pate for the next days appetizer. He fancied himself as a gourmand and to be fair he was and remains a dab hand in the kitchen.

In 1956 when Rex and Barbara tied the knot, amongst the presents was a Sunbeam “vitamiser”. An oft-used device, which dispensed milkshakes, soups and delicious Shrove Tuesday pancakes. On Christmas Eve the vitamiser was called into service for blending duck liver pate.

By the time we arrived home from mass it was well after 9.00pm. Carols by Candlelight could be heard in different rooms in the house, important, as it would be a major topic of conversation the following day when the vast army of relatives would arrive.

Rex would emerge ready to cook sans trousers and shirt, butcher’s apron added for security and safety essential for cooking while in jocks. Pate is not difficult; there are variations but it goes a little like this.

1. Heat 30gm butter in a large saucepan over medium-high heat.

2. Add shallot, garlic and thyme and cook, stirring occasionally, until shallot is soft (5-6 minutes).

3. Add bacon, cook until crisp (2-3 minutes), season to taste, then transfer mixture to a food processor.

4. Heat 30gm butter in same pan, add livers and cook until brown (1-2 minutes each side), then add to food processor.

5. Return pan to heat, deglaze with brandy, cook for 2-3 minutes, scraping base of pan with wooden spoon, and then add to food processor.

6. Add vinegar and remaining butter to food processor, process until smooth, and then add cream and process to combine.

7. Adjust seasoning to taste, pass through a fine metal sieve, spoon into a 2½ cup-capacity mould to 2cm below rim and refrigerate until surface is just set (15-20 minutes).

8. Pour over clarified butter to cover and refrigerate until set.

9. Take out of fridge next day to impress visiting family members.

Seems simple especially for a man who lived by the mantra “measure twice cut once”.

Sitting at the kitchen table observing, there seemed to be an issue at step six. The impending pate required help removing itself from the side of the blender. Warm livers, butter, bacon, thyme, shallot, garlic with a touch of sand would make great binder in brickwork. A trowel would have been the right tool for the job. There would have been plenty of trowels on the back of his Holden ute however with one eye on hygiene this thought was disposed of.

A wooden spoon was bought into play. With the deft touch of a doctor using a tongue depressor Slim angled the spoon down the sides of the opaque glass mixer. He gave the blinder a “blitz” pushing down with the spoon at the same time to extract the putty like mixture from its limpet like grip of the glass. Either the push was too forceful or the blitz lingered to long as when the spoon came out the head and two inches of the handle were missing.

Growing up at the back end of the depression between and during the Second World War gave Slim an in built mechanism against waste. Not unusual for people of his generation. He could throw out the pate or take the path slightly less trod and serve the dish up without mention. His secret was safe with me; I wasn’t going to give him up, not as a 14yo still in fear of his male parental unit.

Christmas Day I’ll continue my tradition of avoiding pate, now if I can just avoid FM radio I’ll have Nicklebacks new release covered as well.

Duck liver pate minus in built tooth picks

The two sides with form saluted in the knock out finals eliminating higher ranked opponents in the process. Top rated Headless Pubes 80.68 made an early exit at the hands of fourth placed The Slippery Scuds 116.70 while in a one sided affair, third placed The Aderralls 136.24 easily accounted for the second ranked Sexy Time Romance Explosion 58.86.

This column harvested the two winners and the streak of tipping success is longer than a P Platers burnout in a beachside car park.

Grand Final prediction in bold.

Slippery Scuds Vs. The Aderralls

The teams are set for the Pro League final like grandma’s plum pudding or Nigella Lawsons bosom’s.

In there only meeting in round four, The Aderralls dismantled The Scuds by the tune of 35.18 points.

Over the course of the year The Aderralls have tinkered with their line up. In the round four match up Christian Ponder quarterbacked the team, one of three times for the season he was under centre. In all three games Ponder was in charge of the offense, The Aderralls were defeated.

Cam Newton will take charge for the Pro League final on the back of seven passing and one running touch down in the past three weeks. His ability to create under pressure makes him the central figure for the Scuds defense to stop.

The Scuds have played a more settled formation for much of the season. Matt Ryan who leads them is ranked seventh amongst Pro League quarterbacks  – five spots behind Newton – with over 4000 yards and 27 passing touch downs. He can be put off his game if you can get the defense to pressure him and lower his eyes. The Aderralls defense is miserly enough to restrict Ryans ability to throw darts from the pocket.

This will be a high scoring entertaining game deserving of a Pro League final. The winners will be rewarded with the Bolt On Cup while the losers take home a plastic Jesus.

The Tacos join The Kenyan Phoenix, Noosa Tigers, Barunga Bullets, The Jack Kevorkian All Stars, Willyz Warriors, Vikings Of Oz and Year Of The Dog as spectators for the final two weeks of the 2012 Pro League.

The American track sprinter Michael Johnson was once asked if he had any rituals when racing…”Yes” he replied “after the race I stand on the top tier of the dais and the band plays the Star Spangled Banner”

Michael Johnson

After tipping all six winners in the last round I’m as confident as Michael Johnson racing against a pack of jellyfish.

Semi Final Week One Predictions in Bold.

Headless Pubes (1) Vs. Slippery Scuds (4)

The Scuds are big game players and they have the ammunition on offense to cause the Pubes troubles.  The troika of quarterback Matt “Meth” Ryan, running backs Reggie “We Have” Bush and Doug “Muscle Hamster” Martin has caused headaches across the league all season.  If these three have good games The Pubes can’t match them.

The Scuds are good on the opposite side of the ball ranked eighth in the league in stopping opposition quarterbacks.

The fate of The Pubes rests with quarterback Andrew Dalton; he needs to move the ball up the field for his team to have any chance. Strong support from his wide receivers Jeremy Maclin and Justin Blackmon is a must and they cannot afford for the ball to hit the turf.

While the Pubes have the home ground advantage the odds on offer for The Scuds are to good to miss up.

 Sexy Time Romance Explosion (2) Vs. The Aderralls (3)

In a week for the away underdogs The Aderralls will get over the higher ranked Sexy Time Romance Explosion.

Cam Newton can throw the ball, run the ball, put the shot, leap tall buildings in a single bound and save Lois Lane. Newton’s confidence is higher than Sir Edmund Hilary and Tenzing Norgay sharing a spliff on top of Mount Everest.

Adrian Peterson at running back keeps adding to his MVP votes racking up yards like Columbian cartels do lines.

JJ Watt captains the defense and he’ll want to make up for his game last week which was as disappointing as a nine year old unwrapping a bag of potatoes on Christmas morning.

Three-time MVP Peyton Manning is the man to lead The Romancers to victory. The star quarterbacks play off record isn’t as strong as the regular season however he’s as hungry as ever and running out of chances as he nears the end of his career.  He can dissect a defense better than a sushi chef in a five star restaurant can fugu. He must play well if the Romancers are to win.

The Aderralls were runners up in 2011 a win here give them another chance for redemption in the grand final next week.